ortion | 4 ❀ video/action

[The feed opens up to a Magikarp splashing around in a small pool of water. But this is no ordinary Magikarp; this Magikarp is glowing. It seems that whoever is recording wants to capture the evolution on camera.

That person may or may not also be cackling. It's rather distinct to anyone who has heard it before...]

After months of absolutely miserable torture attempting to train this thing, the time as finally come for this useless fish to become something truly amazing! To all those who mocked me, feast your eyes, for I have persevered!

[Just as he finishes that little speech, the Magikarp's glowing form begins to shift and grow. The camera moves up as the shape becomes snake-like and continues to grow...until it finally stops. The glow fades, revealing a newly evolved Gyarados.]

Gyyyyaaaaaarrrrr...

Oh, just look at you. At long last, you can actually be useful. What a glorious day this is...

[As Dist goes on about how amazing this all is, the Gyarados seems to be checking out its new body. He looks proud of what he's accomplished. While Dist isn't paying attention, he begins to arch down toward his trainer and lets out a magnificent roar.]

GYYAAAAAA!!

Wh-What are you doing?! Don't come any close—aaaaaaauuugh!

[The Gyarados suddenly lunges at Dist, and the last thing the feed shows is a Scizor darting into view and grabbing the Gyarados's head by the mouth with her huge pincers. As Dist stumbles to the ground, the feed comes to an end.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[What's this? Someone new to add to the revenge journal? Sure looks like it.]

Stop that laughing this instant, you impudent savage! This is hardly a laughing matter!

[It absolutely is someone new to add to the revenge journal. He tends to get his mug in those pretty fast.]

Protip: don't piss off the giant death fish.

[Says the guy who keeps a level 2 Magikarp in his box and talks down to his Pokemon constantly. But he does it out of LOVE and COMPASSION, ok.]

[He'll scoff at that.]

If I recall, I was giving him praise. Unless Gyarados have a strong dislike for praise, I honestly have no idea what you're talking about.

"Miserable torture". "Useless fish". "Actually useful."

Nice praise, asshat.

[Seriously, when he insults his Pokemon, at least he does it outright. Which is apparently a reason to get on a high horse right now.]

The last one is praise if you look into it.

[He'll pretend he didn't hear the rest.]

Yeah, like he's going to 'look into it' after everything else.

[Pokemon Psychology 101. Learn it.]

Listen, have you ever attempted to raise a Magikarp? It truly is a miserable experience. I can't help but become a little frustrated and slip my tongue from time to time.

[Oh lord, he really is not going to win no matter which way he takes this conversation.]

As a matter of fact, I have.

[For one entire level.]

It's not that bad if you just switch it out a lot.