Iago might not be the most experienced with physical affection, but the gesture is very comforting for Dist. Even moreso are Iago's words. As much as Dist protests, he is starved for validation. But nothing- nothing compares to Iago backing him up on this.
For the first time since this conversation began, he relaxes, if only a little.]
Thank you for listening. I can imagine none of this was...quite what you were expecting. But I am grateful to have had you listen.
[It really is like having a weight lifted off of him, having elaborated on the tragedy and struggle in his life with someone he has come to trust.]
If I am to be entirely honest...back home, I was at limits with Fomicry. I have tried everything to create the perfect replica, but...I am coming closer to the conclusion that what I seek is impossible without Jade's help. If I cannot convince him to rejoin the project, I...
[His breath hitches in his chest, and he shakes his head, not wanting to continue that thought. He knows Jade will never rejoin him. He is committing a serious crime by even continuing to practice Fomicry. There is no light at the end of this tunnel.]
[He was expecting necromancy, so you know what, this is definitely an improvement. Look, he's a dark mage, of course he was expecting necromancy?? Anyway.]
Of course, Dist.
[But he continues and Iago frowns at that. Fomicry likely involves both Dist's area of expertise and Jade's, so if he's hit a wall on his end then Jade is really the only person who can help him finish this.]
I see.
[And he does, though he's not entirely sure what to say in response to that. If Jade went so far as to outlaw the use of Fomicry, it isn't likely he'll ever be willing to work on it again, no matter what Dist says or does. If Dist can't convince Jade to help him... then all of that work and time will be for nothing, won't it?]
I wish I could reassure you that Jade will see reason and will join you, but I don't know him and I'm certainly not one to rely on blind hope. It's possible he'll change his mind and join you, but it's also possible he won't. Coming this close only to hit a wall you can't overcome must be incredibly upsetting.
[...]
When all of this is over... let's talk about this again. I won't make any promises, but I am very interested in your world and your technology and artes. I can't say I could ever replace Jade, but perhaps a fresh set of eyes will help give you a new direction.
A small chuckle escapes Dist, eventually turning into a laughter choked by sobs. For the proud and flamboyant front that he puts on, on the inside Dist has always been sensitive and fragile, grappling with crippling loneliness. And here Iago is, offering to potentially help him with his life's work and trying to lift him up from a place of utter hopelessness. On an emotional front, he just can't handle it.]
I- I am so sorry. [He brings up a gloved hand in an attempt to wipe away his tears.] I don't know what came over me.
[He grips onto one of Iago's hands, quite intensely like he doesn't want to let go.]
Thank you.
[It's possible that nothing could come out of this, but that's something that Dist can worry about later. For now, he has a potential way to continue and that's far better than admitting failure.]
[This is the sort of thing that would have been alarming and entirely off-putting at the start of this. He doesn't know how to deal with emotions in other people, and his own tend never to stray too far from anger. It's a lot, but after four damn weeks, he's starting to get a better idea of how to handle it.
So he doesn't flinch or even react much, instead he pats Dist's arm again and fishes a handkerchief out of his pocket to pass over.]
You don't have to apologize. I can imagine just how much of a relief it is to feel as though you're no longer alone.
[He does, because it's exactly what he's been dealing with. He's careful with his nails when he squeezes Dist's hand reassuringly.]
I will be right here, whenever you need me. Once this is over, we can work out how to proceed. For now... keep your head up. We'll make it to the end of this together.
[The handkerchief is gratefully accepted in an attempt to salvage his face- oof, the glasses are definitely going to have to come off for now. Thank Yulia he hadn't put on any eyeliner. While it might still be a bit before he stops shedding tears, the handkerchief is...helping.]
It is...to an indescribable degree.
[Years of pain and frustration that had been bottled up were opened tonight, and it's so overwhelmingly freeing.
Many more expressions of gratitude are murmured as Iago squeezes his hand.]
[Dist finally smiles a little bit and tries to take a deep breath to calm himself. A small hiccup escapes, but he makes some progress.]
Who would have guessed that we actually have something to thank that woman for?
[It's true, though...they wouldn't have met if not for this awful situation. But at least something good came out of it. Something amazing, even.
He pauses for a moment, considering something.]
We've been using it as an alibi for a while now, but would you be opposed to actually spending the night here? I think...I would very much like your company.
[The first part gets a soft laugh out of him; it certainly is true that the Lady actually did something good for once.
The second part gets him to pause for a moment, considering.]
I'd like that as well.
[He's told Dist that he trusts him, and he means it. Really, the only reason why he hadn't suggested it before now was because he's easily agitated about removing his mask in front of anyone, but there's no reason to worry about that now.]
Allow me a moment to get a few things; staying in here would certainly be preferable.
[Given that any noise is likely going to make Rideaux suspicious... So!! This sounds great, sleepover time!!!]
And yeah, he kind of figured he'd ask Iago to stay in his room rather than the opposite...for exactly the reasons that they discussed in a previous conversation. The last thing they need right now is Rideaux making stupid comments.
Dist's mood seems to lift significantly about the whole thing though. He nods and gives Iago enough space to get up.]
Of course. I am going to freshen up in the meantime, but I should be back before you.
[He needs to do something about his face after that meltdown. Oof. Hopefully no one catches sight of him in the bathroom.]
[And off he goes!! It'll take him a little while to gather up everything he needs and it'll take a couple of trips to get it all to Dist's room, but by the time he's done he has quite a few blankets in here as well as a change of clothes and his makeup in case he ends up waking up a bit too late and he needs to get ready in here. Hopefully that won't be a concern, but you never know, and he is not setting foot outside where people can see him without his makeup on!! Never again!!!
Anyway, once he brings the last of his stuff in, he ends up fussing with his mask a bit before deciding fuck it and just removing the damn thing. Perhaps surprisingly he doesn't actually have anything visibly wrong with the side of his face he usually keeps covered; even his bad eye doesn't really look all that off.]
I'm fine sleeping on the floor for tonight, though it certainly isn't something I'd like to make a habit of.
[He busies himself fighting with a hairbrush instead of actually looking at Dist, though he's not turned away entirely either.]
[Dist heads out to the nearest bath once Iago leaves to get a nice damp cloth for his face. He might be absent for one of Iago's trips, but he's back soon enough and changed into something plain for sleeping. Yes, for once, the gloves are off. He helps Iago get all of his things situated, clearing off the desk for his makeup, making room on his rack for Iago's change of clothes, and so on.
There's something a little mystifying for Dist about all of this. Seeing Iago without his mask on is certainly huge, and he can't help but try to sneak glances due to his accursed instinctual curiosity, but it's nice to see Iago how he naturally is. He's not sure how to describe it...it's just more intimate, maybe? Because Iago's never really seen him not all dressed up and done up either. It's a new step in their friendship.
It's nice. That's the bottom line here.
He's about to sit down on his bed, but Iago's words give him pause.]
If you would like my bed, I won't mind. I was the one to suggest this, so I don't want you to be uncomfortable.
[Yulia knows he's slept on less comfortable floors...]
[It is sort of nice, isn't it... He's certainly not used to seeing Dist quite like this either. The gloves are off, how scandalous!!]
Nonsense. [He waves a hand airily at that.] I'm not going to steal your bed. I can survive a night on the floor; I've certainly dealt with worse.
[...Not lately, but that's not the point!! It does go a long way to getting him to settle though, and eventually he finally manages to set the brush aside and move to... busy himself with the blankets, but you know what at least he's kind of trying. Sort of. It's not a bad sort of awkward, but boy is it awkward.]
Dist settles down now that his blankets are in order.]
Oh, that is a good point... But I believe you know exactly why. It wouldn't do for us to rest in something upscale. No, we must be relegated to...this.
[You know. This. The clergy housing is so utterly drab.]
I don't suppose it would be too much of a hassle to utilize one of the rooms, though. We face a lack of electricity where we are anyway. The only benefit of remaining here is the certainty of privacy. We have keys here.
Once I have freshened up in the bath, I tend to read before going to sleep. I was doing just that when you arrived tonight.
[So Iago caught him at a really good time. He would've been heading to bed soon!]
My sleep schedule was much more erratic back home—when I would often work well into the night—so I must say it was quite the change to be able to develop something structured.
Oh, I'm the same way. That's why I don't have much of a routine; I simply didn't have time for anything most nights. I'd be lucky if I made it to bed before midnight.
It is nice to have a bit of a break from that, though. What have you been reading lately?
Alas, there is hardly time to rest for geniuses such as ourselves.
[It's a wonder how they managed to hide their sleep deprivation.]
I thought I would go through the book that Erik found in the Lady's room at the castle. But I am beginning to think that this was something she went through early in our time here. The discoveries that I made with her tools other day rules out anything practical. Something beyond ordinary infrastructure is at play here, and the dead have apparently hinted at such.
I wish we had a better way to communicate with them... There's simply so much we still don't know. It's both fascinating, and a bit frustrating.
[Sigh!!]
But I'm not surprised you're keeping busy, even late at night. You've been a great asset to all of us, and for as irritating as it is, I certainly can't fault the Lady for taking an interest in you. Not that she'll ever get to lay a finger on you, of course.
[.........is he really in any position to be threatening the lady, no, but he will totally try to anyway!!]
I feel as though we have learned far more from them than our own investigations...which makes it all the more frustrating. [Because that implies dying is the only way to get actual answers??? And no thanks.] The most we can do is continue to keep an eye out for newly lit locations...
[Considering how hard shit is going to hit the fan, they could all use a little more encouraging news.
That last bit gets a genuine laugh out of Dist.]
Is that the intent to fight the Lady for me I hear?
[He asks in a joking tone, but he is actually very happy to hear that... Because he honestly has no idea how else he's going to get out of working for the Lady after this.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
Iago might not be the most experienced with physical affection, but the gesture is very comforting for Dist. Even moreso are Iago's words. As much as Dist protests, he is starved for validation. But nothing- nothing compares to Iago backing him up on this.
For the first time since this conversation began, he relaxes, if only a little.]
Thank you for listening. I can imagine none of this was...quite what you were expecting. But I am grateful to have had you listen.
[It really is like having a weight lifted off of him, having elaborated on the tragedy and struggle in his life with someone he has come to trust.]
If I am to be entirely honest...back home, I was at limits with Fomicry. I have tried everything to create the perfect replica, but...I am coming closer to the conclusion that what I seek is impossible without Jade's help. If I cannot convince him to rejoin the project, I...
[His breath hitches in his chest, and he shakes his head, not wanting to continue that thought. He knows Jade will never rejoin him. He is committing a serious crime by even continuing to practice Fomicry. There is no light at the end of this tunnel.]
no subject
Of course, Dist.
[But he continues and Iago frowns at that. Fomicry likely involves both Dist's area of expertise and Jade's, so if he's hit a wall on his end then Jade is really the only person who can help him finish this.]
I see.
[And he does, though he's not entirely sure what to say in response to that. If Jade went so far as to outlaw the use of Fomicry, it isn't likely he'll ever be willing to work on it again, no matter what Dist says or does. If Dist can't convince Jade to help him... then all of that work and time will be for nothing, won't it?]
I wish I could reassure you that Jade will see reason and will join you, but I don't know him and I'm certainly not one to rely on blind hope. It's possible he'll change his mind and join you, but it's also possible he won't. Coming this close only to hit a wall you can't overcome must be incredibly upsetting.
[...]
When all of this is over... let's talk about this again. I won't make any promises, but I am very interested in your world and your technology and artes. I can't say I could ever replace Jade, but perhaps a fresh set of eyes will help give you a new direction.
[He pauses, considering.]
Well, one eye.
no subject
A small chuckle escapes Dist, eventually turning into a laughter choked by sobs. For the proud and flamboyant front that he puts on, on the inside Dist has always been sensitive and fragile, grappling with crippling loneliness. And here Iago is, offering to potentially help him with his life's work and trying to lift him up from a place of utter hopelessness. On an emotional front, he just can't handle it.]
I- I am so sorry. [He brings up a gloved hand in an attempt to wipe away his tears.] I don't know what came over me.
[He grips onto one of Iago's hands, quite intensely like he doesn't want to let go.]
Thank you.
[It's possible that nothing could come out of this, but that's something that Dist can worry about later. For now, he has a potential way to continue and that's far better than admitting failure.]
no subject
So he doesn't flinch or even react much, instead he pats Dist's arm again and fishes a handkerchief out of his pocket to pass over.]
You don't have to apologize. I can imagine just how much of a relief it is to feel as though you're no longer alone.
[He does, because it's exactly what he's been dealing with. He's careful with his nails when he squeezes Dist's hand reassuringly.]
I will be right here, whenever you need me. Once this is over, we can work out how to proceed. For now... keep your head up. We'll make it to the end of this together.
no subject
It is...to an indescribable degree.
[Years of pain and frustration that had been bottled up were opened tonight, and it's so overwhelmingly freeing.
Many more expressions of gratitude are murmured as Iago squeezes his hand.]
We will. I know we will.
[...]
I am so grateful to have met you, Iago.
no subject
[More than he can really express, anyway. More than he's even realized, perhaps.]
no subject
Who would have guessed that we actually have something to thank that woman for?
[It's true, though...they wouldn't have met if not for this awful situation. But at least something good came out of it. Something amazing, even.
He pauses for a moment, considering something.]
We've been using it as an alibi for a while now, but would you be opposed to actually spending the night here? I think...I would very much like your company.
no subject
The second part gets him to pause for a moment, considering.]
I'd like that as well.
[He's told Dist that he trusts him, and he means it. Really, the only reason why he hadn't suggested it before now was because he's easily agitated about removing his mask in front of anyone, but there's no reason to worry about that now.]
Allow me a moment to get a few things; staying in here would certainly be preferable.
[Given that any noise is likely going to make Rideaux suspicious... So!! This sounds great, sleepover time!!!]
no subject
And yeah, he kind of figured he'd ask Iago to stay in his room rather than the opposite...for exactly the reasons that they discussed in a previous conversation. The last thing they need right now is Rideaux making stupid comments.
Dist's mood seems to lift significantly about the whole thing though. He nods and gives Iago enough space to get up.]
Of course. I am going to freshen up in the meantime, but I should be back before you.
[He needs to do something about his face after that meltdown. Oof. Hopefully no one catches sight of him in the bathroom.]
no subject
[And off he goes!! It'll take him a little while to gather up everything he needs and it'll take a couple of trips to get it all to Dist's room, but by the time he's done he has quite a few blankets in here as well as a change of clothes and his makeup in case he ends up waking up a bit too late and he needs to get ready in here. Hopefully that won't be a concern, but you never know, and he is not setting foot outside where people can see him without his makeup on!! Never again!!!
Anyway, once he brings the last of his stuff in, he ends up fussing with his mask a bit before deciding fuck it and just removing the damn thing. Perhaps surprisingly he doesn't actually have anything visibly wrong with the side of his face he usually keeps covered; even his bad eye doesn't really look all that off.]
I'm fine sleeping on the floor for tonight, though it certainly isn't something I'd like to make a habit of.
[He busies himself fighting with a hairbrush instead of actually looking at Dist, though he's not turned away entirely either.]
no subject
There's something a little mystifying for Dist about all of this. Seeing Iago without his mask on is certainly huge, and he can't help but try to sneak glances due to his accursed instinctual curiosity, but it's nice to see Iago how he naturally is. He's not sure how to describe it...it's just more intimate, maybe? Because Iago's never really seen him not all dressed up and done up either. It's a new step in their friendship.
It's nice. That's the bottom line here.
He's about to sit down on his bed, but Iago's words give him pause.]
If you would like my bed, I won't mind. I was the one to suggest this, so I don't want you to be uncomfortable.
[Yulia knows he's slept on less comfortable floors...]
no subject
Nonsense. [He waves a hand airily at that.] I'm not going to steal your bed. I can survive a night on the floor; I've certainly dealt with worse.
[...Not lately, but that's not the point!! It does go a long way to getting him to settle though, and eventually he finally manages to set the brush aside and move to... busy himself with the blankets, but you know what at least he's kind of trying. Sort of. It's not a bad sort of awkward, but boy is it awkward.]
no subject
[That was the point he was trying to make!! Wording it like that makes him feel kind of bad.
He glances at the bed...and starts to gather up some of the blankets.]
At least allow me to join you down there.
no subject
Join me, then. I imagine the others would tease us terribly if they had any idea what we were doing.
[This really is a teen girl sleepover, isn't it... All they need to do is talk about crushes and paint each others' nails!!!]
no subject
I would say that they were simply jealous.
[Because honestly, he's quite happy about this. He's certainly not going to let the others take that away from him.]
I would have suggested sharing the more comfortable bed, but they are so tiny.
[And that's like...kind of forward.]
no subject
That would be a bit uncomfortable. They're small enough for only one person, after all.
[Maybe next time he'll get someone to lug the mattress in... because he is not risking losing a nail to that!!]
I'm still not certain why they put us here when the whole point of a hotel is for people to stay in it...
[They probably have way nicer beds there too?? Ugh.]
no subject
Dist settles down now that his blankets are in order.]
Oh, that is a good point... But I believe you know exactly why. It wouldn't do for us to rest in something upscale. No, we must be relegated to...this.
[You know. This. The clergy housing is so utterly drab.]
I don't suppose it would be too much of a hassle to utilize one of the rooms, though. We face a lack of electricity where we are anyway. The only benefit of remaining here is the certainty of privacy. We have keys here.
[The hotel probably uses electronic keycards...]
no subject
[What a shame... Oh well.]
I suppose it could be worse. At least tonight should be pleasant enough.
[Sleeping on the floor aside, of course!!]
no subject
[But that's getting a little ahead of himself.]
Do you have any rituals before turning in for the night...?
no subject
[Changing into looser clothes from the opera house, removing his makeup, and taking care of his hair, along with removing the mask and circlet.]
Usually I update my notes, but that can wait for tomorrow.
[There's going to be another murder and trial to cover tomorrow, after all...]
What about you?
no subject
[So Iago caught him at a really good time. He would've been heading to bed soon!]
My sleep schedule was much more erratic back home—when I would often work well into the night—so I must say it was quite the change to be able to develop something structured.
no subject
It is nice to have a bit of a break from that, though. What have you been reading lately?
no subject
[It's a wonder how they managed to hide their sleep deprivation.]
I thought I would go through the book that Erik found in the Lady's room at the castle. But I am beginning to think that this was something she went through early in our time here. The discoveries that I made with her tools other day rules out anything practical. Something beyond ordinary infrastructure is at play here, and the dead have apparently hinted at such.
no subject
I wish we had a better way to communicate with them... There's simply so much we still don't know. It's both fascinating, and a bit frustrating.
[Sigh!!]
But I'm not surprised you're keeping busy, even late at night. You've been a great asset to all of us, and for as irritating as it is, I certainly can't fault the Lady for taking an interest in you. Not that she'll ever get to lay a finger on you, of course.
[.........is he really in any position to be threatening the lady, no, but he will totally try to anyway!!]
no subject
[Considering how hard shit is going to hit the fan, they could all use a little more encouraging news.
That last bit gets a genuine laugh out of Dist.]
Is that the intent to fight the Lady for me I hear?
[He asks in a joking tone, but he is actually very happy to hear that... Because he honestly has no idea how else he's going to get out of working for the Lady after this.]
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)